As I sobbed freely, my wails drowned out by the heavy rain, my mind wandered over to a new thought. I was exhausted. I was so freaking tired of being knocked around by this rollercoaster whiplash of feeling worthy and gorgeous and superior one day and worthless and monstrous and outcast the next. I was coming to my wit’s end. A shocking thought made a brief appearance…I think I might prefer just being bigger than continuing to go through this.